Faith or a lack there of….

Sometimes life is just not fair, sometimes it’s really not fair, sometimes you feel like you can’t pull yourself out of bed and take on another day. Sometimes life is so confusing you have no idea which way you are coming or going, Sometimes you feel like you are left in the dark with no flash light, AND sometimes you have to have faith that there is light just around the corner. Having faith has always been hard for me mostly because I’m a quitter I will admit it. I am I don’t like to do things that are hard, in fact I hate, despises even loath doing things that are hard that’s why I quit having faith its way to hard. I hate the feeling of failure or heartache or uncertainty therefore I will avoid it at any cost, and therefore it is hard for me to have faith that the hard things will work themselves out. This describes my life currently I have had a big week of learning experiences a big week of thinking I could not possibly pull myself out of bed and proceed on with life, I felt like I was left alone in my own Gethsemane…Then I remembered there is one who has been there one who has felt this, one who has literally been in Gethsemane one who was left alone in the most desperate hour of need ,and I remembered there is hope that there is a plan that there is a way. There is a way but no where is it written that it will be easy. and that’s where faith comes into play Just when you think that the lord has left you in your hour of need he gives you a glimmer of hope …a moment of happiness a reason to live be happy and proceed and that faith pays off and a teeny tiny piece of my heart is mended but in no way is it close to being back together. I think for maybe the first time in my life I truly understand the atonement I understand how families can have peace when a love one has passed, I understand forgiveness for someone who has deeply wronged you, and I understand the ability to overcome the hardest thing that has ever happened to you. Peace was a long awaited visitor that confirmed that he is in control, and when I doubt and there are things in life I just can’t figure out I have to have faith and trust that he is in control. This experiment of faith has been a big testimony builder it’s a test to see if I will follow through and really rely on him, also a first for me to completely rely on the lord I turned all of my heart ach over to him it was beyond my capability and no way could I proceeded on with life with out handing over all my troubles to the lord having faith that he would take care of them. And much to my surprise he took care of them! “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” This was the scripture that was read in church and never has it hit me so hard, so until life is figured out I will not be trusting in myself but in a much higher power.



WARNING: This post may not make any sense and may be pure rambling? But sometimes you have to get things off you chest and that is what I like to call a blog 