Funny things I have heard at work recently:

This blog will be dedicated to the fine women and men I work with .I should have started this along time ago with all the hilarious things I hear but I will continue to add…being at the front desk I hear all and know all to much probably, This may not be funny to anyone else though 
So my desk is right by the refrigerator and that is where the magic happens what else is there to keep you entertained all day at work than FOOD! And my work buys unlimited supplies of pop which everyone around here drinks but lately there has been a shortage and you would have thought we ran out of water or toilet paper, actually they would probably take running out of toilet paper rather than running out of pop! So lucky for them I go pick it up and when one of my co-workers discovers this she opens the fridge and says: (keep in mind there is a door separating us so I can only see half of this and she doesn’t know I am right there) in a hushed loving tone she whispers to her diet coke.. “awww…Nectar of the gods!” I laughed to myself  as she most likely caressed it like she had been handed her first born child, moral of the story “Absence makes the heart grow fonder!” hahahaha
2nd funny thing I have heard, someone asked me “ How’s it goin?” and I said “I’m hangin in there” and they said “ “In the south they say I’m hangin in there like a hair on a biscuit” and then they just walked away …what the? Gross or funny? :)

OK by request only am i posting this sucker:)And because only my sister Michelle finds great humor in my ridiculous life:) ok i really was just waiting for my friend to post pictures because you would get better visual but here it is:)

SAW
(Suicide Awareness Walk) (Ok really it’s called AFSP American Foundation Suicide Prevention)
Last Saturday me and my amigos did a walk for suicide awareness…why? I don’t know why it was kind of random… But we did. I had no idea there was such a walk for suicide Awareness??? So basically this walk consists of maybe 100 people walking 1 mile around 25th street so we sign in and get our sexy red t- shirts then we get to sit in hot plastic chairs in the hot hot sun as a suicide attempt-ee tells us his story of his trials and his victories to over come them. We have a moment of silence then suicide attempt-ee leads us in our 1 mile walk. Along the walk is people about every 25 steps with hand made poster of facts of suicide victims my favorite fact: “More woman attempt suicide but more men go through with it.” ( not actual words but I forgot the numbers) so pretty much women are failures all around we want to kill ourselves therefore failing at life and then we don’t complete it therefore failing once again. Ha-ha I guess props to men for actually completing something (in a sick twisted way) Any who we were rewarded for our torturous walk with warm water, granola bar, and life savers with a little AFSP flyer oh and I almost forgot a rubber orange bracelet. All in all it was good, we got a free t-shirt some sun a little exercise and good feeling all over knowing…?.....? Knowing…..? We walked….uh…not really sure how we helped people who are thinking about committing suicide??? And come to find out that suicide attempt-ee who gave the speech about turning his life around was put in Jail on Monday. SO not sure that walk did any good but make for a memorable Saturday and a good laugh

Wanted: one running car

Life is funny sometimes ins't it ...or should i say more ironic:) and i have been due for a trial life has been pretty chill... and this trial came in the foirm of my car! noted i just paid my car off about a month ago.So About a week or so ago my car over heated on the top of 20th street in an intersection and if you can believe it i have actullay had two other cars die in that exact magical place its almost like the car knows what would be the most miserable place for you to break down...Car: aaww yes! this will get her i will stop working on top of a steep hill in an intersection! and if that dosen't get her i will stop working right when the light turns green causing cars to back up down the hill and honk at her and people going around her will give her dirty stares and make her cry as she calls her dad panicking! mwahhaha!!:) so this story now takes on a book of mormon cycle where i am grateful prideful then humbled. So two lovely young men come to my rescue pushing me outta the intersection which = grateful. then i get a little prideful because they came to my rescue becuase of course i'm good looking jk but i was a little confident that my car would be just fine then i am struck down with humility when as i was being pushed through the intersection i see a truck coming right for me full speed and i really thought i'm going to die we are all going to die! the truck is going to hit me then my car is going to run over the other two lovelies!!! i actually considered jumping outta my car but there wasn't enough time!plus if i did i couldn't be on the front page of the news paper, no one gets recogintion and a purple heart for jumping out early:) my thoughts were inturuppted by the shouts of the lovelies saying "OH S#$&! OH S@%#!" and then a mircale happened! the car saw me and started to pound on its brakes making a screeching sound and swerving and barely missing us! and then i was humbled and thankful!i was pushed to safety i thanked the lovelies! and my awesome dad came and towed me away! my car was supposidly "fixed" but surprise again when i took it to go to SLC for a GNO and it started smoking through the vents green ooze exploded all over my hood! and i was yet again towed to home. the last week or so i have been in a humbling state as i have relied on the family junker cars to take me to and fro, one has no driver seat belt buckle so i have to buckle it to the passenger side and hold all of the gears in or else it will pop out it has no air conditioning and luck would have it it was 85 degrees ( and rising :) the radios don't work and they all have high pitched sounds coming from them, but life is still good! i'm alive! now after hearing this tragic story i hope you all will feel pity on me and help me find a new car:)

Ok this is just random but how funny is this random facts:

Warnings :Jumping just before the elevator hits the bottom is not a viable alternative, as proved by the Mythbusters. Sure, when you jump you slow down, but when the elevator crashes you're a few feet in the air and still traveling very fast downwards, so by the time you hit the bottom you've picked up all the speed you lost through jumping. Wasted effort!

How to win a street fight....don't ask why i looked this up...:)
How to win a street fight: Call Chuck Norris and if he is not available these might help?:)

Warnings Fighting can cause injury or death, and land you in jail.
StepsBe aware of your environment. Aside from various objects that can be used as weapons and traps, knowing where to run is very important--especially when you're outnumbered. Use all of your senses fully. Don't just look around directly--use shadows and reflections to your advantage.
Err on the side of caution by assuming the following: Your opponent is a better fighter, and has backup; They have a blunt or edged weapon, such as brass knuckles or a knife; and you will be hit. Be ready to take a punch.
Walk away from the fight. Although perhaps obvious, the most sure-fire way to "win" in a street fight is to not fight one altogether. In the vast majority of cases, there will be some sort of warning before actual physical aggression occurs. If you can resolve a dispute without having to fight, do so. Don't let your ego get in the way of your safety. In a verbal dispute that has the potential to become violent, stay calm and take a firm but apologetic approach. Be neutral and non-confrontational. For instance, if a guy accuses you of looking at his girlfriend, you can just apologize and say that she looked like someone you used to know. He now has only two options:


Accept your apology, and maybe even apologize back. If this happens, all is well. Is it that hard to apologize to some jerk (even if you don't mean it) to avoid a fight? If the situation seems to be resolved, remember never to turn your back on the aggressor. It is wise to take 2-3 steps backward and then turn. Always be ready for a sucker punch.

I thought since i have been so helpful in the smoke detector situation i would keep providing helpful hints:) ....

Put your room keys and flashlight in your shoes before you go to bed. If you need to leave your room during a fire, you want to be sure to bring your keys and flashlight, and while you don't want to waste time dressing, shoes can make your escape easier. Keep them together, and hopefully you'll remember them. If your hotel has multiple keys for different doors, make sure you know which keys open which doors, and label them if necessary. Bring all keys with you if you have to leave your room, because you may not be able to exit some doors without them. You may also find that your room is the safest place to be, and you'll need your key to get back in.

Feel the door with the back of your hand. Don't open the door without first feeling it. The back of your hand is very sensitive to heat, and by using it you also won't risk burning your palm or finger tips. If the door or doorknob is hot, the fire is probably right outside. If that's the case, don't open the door. Even if the door isn't hot, get ready to slam the door quickly shut if you need to.

Stay in your room if the fire is in the hall blocking the exits, or if the hall is filled with heavy smoke. Even if flames are not present, thick smoke will kill you, so unless your room is on fire or also filled with heavy smoke, you're probably better off staying inside.

Fill the bathtub with water. Use an ice bucket, trashcan, or suitcase to throw water onto the door or any other hot surface or spot fire in the room. If you have a fire extinguisher in the room, or if you're able to safely get one from the hallway, keep it close at hand and be ready to use it.
Create a mask by wetting a towel or article of clothing and tying it around your nose and mouth. Remember, smoke inhalation is deadly, and most fire fatalities are caused by smoke or toxic gas inhalation. Do all you can to minimize the amount of smoke you're exposed to.

Count the doors to the exit, and stay on the same side of the hall as the exit. If you've planned your escape route when you checked in you should know how many doors you have to pass, and you'll be able to find the exit even if you can't see a thing.

Where's the fire

So yesterday morning i wake up to this loud screeking noise ringing through out the house about every 2 minutes!Come to find out it was our smoke detector i put up with this all morning until i couldn't take it anymore and had to do something about it! sooo.... i called for my mom to help me shut it off and when I say "help me" I mean I sat down the hall way in my room on the floor doing my hair. So my cute little mom is teetering on a chair on the top of the stairs trying to turn it off when she announces "ok I have turned it off!" 3 seconds later it beeps:) funny to me not funny to her she was so mad and didn't understand, if she took the batteries out why was is still beeping??? so being the helpful daughter I am I sat there and merely suggested she find the restart button and push it. She said there was no restart button so once again being helpful I laughed ...and told her about the episode of friends where pheobe can't turn off her smoke detector. Haha ha suprisingly this did not help the situation? but i was punished for not being more helpful because evrytime i went up or down my stairs it beeped right as i passed it! not my best http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19W45gXBrMMmorning!:)

SO we went to the movies the other night and as we were walking out we saw this sign and...This pretty much sums up the story of our lifes!:)Me Chris and Kellie have been known to be a friend stealer,Boy stealer,Center of attention stealer,thunder stealer,Stealer of good looks and charms,destiny stealer,puppy stealer...if you don't have a puppy we will buy you one for your birthday and then steal it from you.And most likely if you become our friend you will loose everything near and dear to you:) also we are fake...gotta love those friends who are still stuck in high school:) But through it all we have remained three best of friends! I love these girls!and there is no other girls i would rather be "wicked" with than with you two! mwahaha!!!